a sad girl in summer

i don’t mean to be sad in summer / three months of lemon ice / beach blanket bingo / and late mornings / but happiness for me / is a limited addition candle / not sold in summer / so i find depression lurking / in the shadows of my room / once the light is gone / and in the times / i eat out of habit / not hunger / and now / i go to bed / not wanting to fall asleep / and wake up / wishing i could sleep / i just feel scared / because if i can’t be happy in summer / what is there to say / i can ever be happy again?

recipe for a broken heart

ingrediants: a boy who doesn’t believe in love and a girl who loves everyone

instructions:

break the boy. make him cruel and hard and shattered. turn him into a man because no boy can be broken that bad. then take the girl and let her love him. let her sacrifice her own happiness for him, because she loves him more than herself.

make the boy want to hurt her, because her life is perfect and his is falling apart. make the boy hurt her, make her curl up into a ball and cradle her heart in two shaking hands.

make the girl forgive him. make her smile through a broken heart and still love him. loving is all she knows how to do. hurting is all he dares to do, because he is all anger and spite. so afraid to love and be loved.

now make the girl turn bitter. make her smile go away and make her sad. the boy is making her sad.

once she is sad, take this sad girl and let her try to love this boy one more time.

but let this boy love someone else. let this boy, find someone just as broken to love. because this broken boy can only offer a little bit of himself, and his new girl can only offer the same.

baking:

let the girl finish high school and leave. leave the town, leave the boy. let her leave all that have hurt her. let her leave still sad.

rapunzel

the stone was no barrier

her soul couldn’t break

the tangled yearning of her heart burst free

and swooped from the windows lip

to caress the clouds in the ever width of blue

and twine about the thatch’s peak

a faux yellow to her gold

and she smiled at the ones who claimed

she had never tasted freedom before

(a witch in her own right)

i find her tender / lipstick smudged / making the illison of a soft smile / on her face / and she asks / looking out at the sea of faces / so familiar that it hurts / “will this all matter tomorrow?” / will the pounds she lost to date him / will the friends she shed / the clothes she wore / matter at all / and i lie / because i have been wondering the same thing / “yes, of course……it has to.”

on January nights i feel as if / i am suffocating / through 3 am nightmares / turn down the heat / turn down the heat / it’s too hot in this empty room / draw back the covers / draw back the covers / and then everything is fire / everyone is burning / he reaches / his touch scalding my skin / i scream / he always hurt / his love always hurt / and now i’m burned from it.