nightmares

i wake up with a breathy gasp

my fingers clawing at the still air

fighting something from a dream

because what they don’t tell you

is that nightmares are dreams too

beauty or brains

i am so sick in living in a dichotomy

enforced with the stereotypes that we live with

because if a girl is beautiful

she is under estimated

and an object seeking ownership for worth

for somehow she is not seen as a person

as if the mascara glues her eyes shut to global issues

thick medical textbook pages and marine diagrams

because beautiful girls don’t have brains

and brainy girls aren’t beautiful

i get sick in the stomach to think

that if i raise my hand in class,

put in the work to make my report card outstanding

and question boundaries placed by people who met satisfaction saturate their curiosity

i will be seen as a girl with brains

rather than a beautiful girl who finds herself challenging stereotypes she has found wrong and working her hardest to fight her way up to the top

house in a hurricane

i’ve pounded nails into my shutters

stuffed rags in the gaps underneath the door

and locked everything in tight

so now all there is left to do is pray

that my foundation was built strong enough to withstand the impact

boys

i believe that there is poetry inside of boys

but it is not the same poetry that is inside of girls

because boy poetry is pink hair, black t-shirt, tilted head jaw-line photo,

bubblegum ice cream, sometime broken promises, trucker hat back-wards,

avaitar sunglasses, twitching finger poetry

and so when i find myself writing poetry about boys

i don’t write it the same way i write about girls

so for those of you who seek for equality

i ask what does that have to do with art?

boy poetry is different from girl poetry

because girls are different from boys

and i think that it is not an entirely bad thing