i find her tender / lipstick smudged / making the illison of a soft smile / on her face / and she asks / looking out at the sea of faces / so familiar that it hurts / “will this all matter tomorrow?” / will the pounds she lost to date him / will the friends she shed / the clothes she wore / matter at all / and i lie / because i have been wondering the same thing / “yes, of course……it has to.”

on January nights i feel as if / i am suffocating / through 3 am nightmares / turn down the heat / turn down the heat / it’s too hot in this empty room / draw back the covers / draw back the covers / and then everything is fire / everyone is burning / he reaches / his touch scalding my skin / i scream / he always hurt / his love always hurt / and now i’m burned from it.

my therapist does not believe in soul mates. she says it’s bull crap. “‘they can’t die if you never stop loving them’” she scoffs. “if that was true, you wouldn’t be in therapy.” she is not my therapist anymore.

sometimes you can love a person more than your very first breath and they can still claim the world is not worth living in

i bought a plane ticket on impulse / just because it seemed / like something you’d do / and i’ve finally cut my hair short / like i had always wanted / and these are just/ two simple little things / / little victories i would share with you / moments that would be memories / that is all you are now / memories / and they may not seem like much / but i’m finally ready to travel the world / and face my fear of the unknown / i’ve quit worrying about my hair / or plane crashes / and i am finally ready to see the great big world / you used to tell me about / but i was always happy with you / you were my world / and i hope you know that.

on the days my mother wakes up sad / she tucks this despair / into the pocket of her jeans / and makes bacon for breakfast / kissing my forehead tenderly / because she has taught herself / how to co exist with her sadness / and like how she raised me / she takes this sadness / and loves it like the world / has no end / she loves her sad / until there is nothing left to love / and then / she loves her happy.