“How to be an explorer”

The book my aunt gave me said,

But didn’t she know,

I’m already an explorer in my head.

 

It’s miles of untamed forests,

And mountains as tall as the moon,

Full of people I said I had forgotten,

And loved ones gone too soon.

 

Rivers that are deeper than the sea,

And animals scarier than nightmares,

I’m an explorer in my head,

Fighting the evil of “No one cares.”

 

Old friends live in moments,

And faces make me cry out loud,

Surrounded by so many people,

That form an endless crowd.

 

There are places I once lived,

And picket fences I use to play by,

But one thing this explorer knows,

Is that it is all a lie.

 

I’ve explored the sunny parts,

Of my dark and dreary head,

But in the darkness I can’t go,

Full of people and things better unsaid.

 

I’ve tried crossing the border,

Only to run back in fear,

Because only the scariest things,

Can make in the darkness here.

 

There are people I want back,

And words I never said,

All encased in the darkness,

Inhabiting most of my head.

 

It’s a jungle tangled and tall,

That is best left all alone,

With my dark thoughts and words,

Hidden and overgrown.

 

Maybe one day I will tell her,

My aunt who gave me the book,

That if she wanted a place to explore,

In my head she only needed to look.

 

But she will stop at the edge,

As they always do,

And my dark jungle will grow,

Until no light shines through.

 

I may be an explorer,

But they still can lose their way,

Just as I have started to lose myself,

In the dark of my head where there is only gray.