Staring down at my iPhone’s screen,
Seeing him with her,
Posted on every social media I follow,
Under all my feed.
And I see all the comments,
How she is so much better prettier me,
And I wonder,
If what they say is true,
Am I really ugly?
She wears bleached skinny jeans,
And cute varsity t-shirts,
And her hair is always perfect.
I never use to feel insecure,
About how I looked,
Until she said,
“All you’ll ever be is ugly.”
She comments on all my posts,
Using all the disgusted emoji faces,
And I wonder,
Why did he choose her?
My hair never really is neat,
All the crazy curls and waves get tangled,
And I wear size 4 jeans,
With all my older brother’s college t-shirts.
I’m not a supermodel,
But I actually use to like the way I looked,
Until he chose her.
I guess I never really was enough,
And he couldn’t handle all my quirks,
He wanted someone better,
Then I guess I could ever be.
I try not to care,
That he thought my worth was so low,
And that I was never was pretty enough,
To fit his expectations.
I started to text him,
To say the things I never did,
To say I was sorry,
For all that I was wrong about,
But I didn’t send it.
My finger hovering over the blue arrow,
The space between said,
But then it hit me,
The truth which I had been lacking,
Why I should I be sorry?
Some days I had meltdowns,
Because I couldn’t handle it anymore,
And some days I was clingy,
Because I needed someone who cared,
But if were to do it again,
There isn’t a thing I would change,
Because why should I be sorry,
I may not weight 115 or less,
Or be considered “pretty,”
But I am happy with myself.
And he couldn’t even try,
To see me the way I do,
Because I never was enough for him.